I admit that in choosing to not learn Eleven’s sex until birth, I was afraid to *want* a girl and “end up with” a boy, but it seems you can't hide your innermost desires from the universe. The Source gave me what I needed. Our relationship is alchemy: this is a chance to transmute the archetypal fear- and guilt-based mother/daughter relationship dynamic and make it powerful, productive and whole where I could not with the one who carried me.
“Relationships on the planet today are directly attracted by the spirit self in order to resolve past ancestral patterns, clear blockages, and integrate forces of polarity.” -Lisa Renee, energeticsynthesis.com
During pregnancy, the unborn child feels everything the mother feels-- elation, anxiety, peace, everything. A mother can also conjure her baby’s essence with conscious intention and BEing that which she wants her child to be. One could say that before birth, mama and babe are indistinguishable due to the fact that we literally are One; occupying the same physical space and consisting of the same physical flesh and blood.
Eleven birthed herself. In the minutes, hours and days following that sunrise, I’ve seen her as so much: as the pure spiritual synthesis of my & she father's hieros gamos sacred union; as an ancient, mature soul come to bring true Christos light to the planet as we experience ascension; as the perfect physical manifestation of my higher self; as part of my own consciousness bifurcated into another entity. It gives new meaning to the concept of "split personality."
In those first few days, if she cried, I allowed her to release instead of rushing to hush her. I often found myself crying shortly thereafter, also processing everything. My working out the aches and pains of my post-birth body were reflected in her desire to stretch, exercise with me, and be rubbed down, getting used to her new fleshy earthsuit. If I ask Eleven a question in my mind, she responds in kind with gesture and expression. The people and things I did or did not like during pregnancy are clearly reflected in her choice of with whom or what she interacts as a person. We make sudden eye contact and simultaneously laugh. She is me and we are One.
She is OF me, yes, and we are still perfectly connected. But where does it end? Does it end at all? Does it have to? What’s the age? Where's the line? How do some mothers go from that reverential awe to hollering, threats and worse? I know that hurt people hurt people, so for the most part, parental anger and abuse is mostly just more misguided projection.
I overstand how parents project themselves onto their children, for better or worse. It is inevitable to a degree, and I get why my mother refers to me as her baby three decades later.
I also realize that many people see babies as overly simple creatures. “Aw, is she sleeping?” So many people ask us when they observe her serene calmness and closed eyes. “Nah, she meditating,” we respond, because it’s true. She goes within and refuses to take on external bacchanal—but she’s there and aware; first eye flexing.
Many adults fail to give notice to the fact that newborn beings are more connected to the akashic infinite and less broken down by the duality of being in 3D— and the shroud of forgetfulness that can come with it.
Our Great Work is to help her not forget. Not to necessarily impose our own values and viewpoints, but to raise her in such a way that she always knows her inherent sovereignty. I also have a feeling that she’ll be teaching us quite a bit more than we think. ;)
I AM a record keeper. Let the record state that my intention is to LISTEN to Eleven. I want to see her as she is; to hear her; to validate her as her own unique expression of the Divine as she continues to fulfill her objectives in this world and beyond.